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Wanna Love You But My Hands Are Tied- Mal & Inara

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[11 Jan 2006|01:57am]

[ mood | cranky ]

The fact that I woke up on the floor in my cabin told me about the night that I had last night. I have to say? It wasn't a good one, even though for the most part, I don't reckon' I remember that much. 'Course there was Inara, me and her gettin into an altercation of some sort and it was probably about that Bastien guy. Knew the idiot was a fake and a phony, I just had to get my wits together and actually point it out. 'Course if I just took the damn paintin' and was on my way, that wouldn't hurt either. Let him be the bad guy for all I cared. Inara sure as shit didn't mind so much.

Gettin' up from the ground, I held my head cause it was hurtin' somethin' feirce. Last time I'd ever drink beer, or whatever it was I was drinkin'. I didn't much remember. Didn't remember alot these days I guess.

After I had managed to have a shower and a nice bloody mary drink, I headed out to the deck, lookin' around, makin' sure I wasn't seen. Didn't much know where everyone else was, but I was ready to get off of this ship once and for all. Get the paintin' and be on my way. Walked around for a bit, makin' rounds so I knew where everyone was so I could get in and get out.

That's when I saw him though. Bastien, rollin' around in his chair. I stood next to a post and kept my eyes on him through the window. Not much to see here, but of course, if I knew he was keepin' busy, then I shouldn't have anythin' to worry about now should I? Tiltin' my head, I rolled my eyes out of boredom until he stood up.


He stood up? And is now walkin'. Well, ain't that a kick in the liter. I almost smiled to myself at the way he was walkin' about like he'd been walkin' all his life and the funny part was? He has been. If only Inara were here to see it, then she'd see that me takin' this paintin' is right because the son of a bitch took it first. Okay, so I didn't really care because I just wanted my money. But, mostly ... I was concered for Inara when I knew I shouldn't be. She could make her own decisions ... and ... nevermind.

Lookin' around, I frowned when I saw Inara comin' my way and instead, I started walkin' the other way. Didn't want to see her right now because I didn't feel like hearin' her mouth, but I did hope that she saw that phony Bastian for what he really was. Stupid son of a bitch.

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Filter all of your emotions [26 Sep 2005|11:48pm]

The nerve of Malcolm Reynolds. Didn't he recall with blinding clarity what had happened to him the last time he'd decided to try and fit in where he didn't belong? He ended up practically losing a duel, in way over his head and looking to me for help as he undoubtedly would on this occasion as well. That was just not going to happen this time and he better quickly adjust to what this situation called for. Which was simply that he should gather up Kaylee and the rest of his crew and peacefully leave Bastien's ship. I wasn't lying when I told him I would turn him over to the Alliance so fast it would make his head spin if he tried his hand at petty thievery on this ship. Bastien was a dear friend to me and he'd already suffered so much loss in his young life. I refused to allow Mal to hurt him anymore. Mal insisted that the painting didn't even belong to Bastien. Even if I did believe him what difference would it make? Mal and the rest of the crew of Serenity were constantly stealing things that didn't belong to them, simply to turn a profit. What gave Mal the right to take the high moral ground this time? Was it because I was here? Had he known?

Unfortunately and yet still to my own relief Mal excused himself from tea rather quickly. It became obvious that he was uncomfortable in such a formal setting and yet Bastien barely seemed to notice. In fact he became rather wrapped up in chatting with me. If only my head mind hadn't wondered off in ten different directions all leading to Mal and the trouble he would get himself into. This was exactly why I'd had to leave Serenity in the first place. I allowed Mal to be a distraction and in my line of work I couldn't afford distractions.

"Are you feeling well, Inara?" Bastien asked me, tearing me away from my thoughts. Instantly I smiled at him, feeling ashamed for allowing my mind to wander so.

"Yes, I'm fine, Bastien. You needn't worry about me. Perhaps I'm just....perhaps I'm just feeling a bit seasick. Being on the ocean is quite different from traveling in space." I kept my same smile glued to my face, if for nothing else but show.

"Maybe you should rest for a few hours. I can send someone to your room to bring you whatever you need." He placed a hand on mine and smiled warmly. How glad I was to run to Bastien out of all the possible friends I could have turned to. I knew that I'd be welcomed with open arms regardless of the circumstances.

"No. I mean, resting would be lovely but I don't need anything. I can show myself back to my room." Still the smile never faded as Bastien leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. He thought that I was returning to my room to sleep for a while and why should he not? He had no idea who Malcolm Reynolds was and how much I wanted to kill him right now.

When the kiss finally broke I nodded at him and agreed to meet him the next morning for breakfast before leaving the tea room. My eyes scanned along the deck for any signs of Mal or Kaylee or any of the rest of the crew. Even Jayne would be a welcome relief because at least Jayne would lead me to Mal. His warped sense of loyalty hardly offered him resistance against my charming smile.

Of course I couldn't find any signs of any of them and the ship was so large I knew it would take me until nightfall to scour every inch of it. Maybe I could find someone who would inform me where he was staying but I had the feeling that Mal wasn't even registered under his real name. He'd probably used a fake one and that was going to make the job of tracking him down even harder.

It did indeed take me until the sun had darkened in the sky and the moon rose, glinting across the water as the ship gently rocked back and forth. When I walked into the place where I should have started looking for him in the first place. The bar. Of course. Getting drunk. I wondered how long it would take him to start a fight over the war he'd lost several years prior and would probably never recover from. I was willing to bet it only took ten seconds and standing nearby I began to tick them off in my head. If nothing else, Mal was predictable.
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[12 Sep 2005|01:50pm]

Inara's been gone for a couple of weeks and it's unfortunate that. Meanin' everyone on the boat misses her. Not me though, why should I miss her? She was nothin' to me and now I can focus on what we've been doin' and what we are doin'. The last week we've been takin' in jobs left and right, keepin' myself occupied, takin' whatever is bein' handed over to me just so I can stay busy. Another train, hijackin' ships for jewels, it's all the same I suppose, all life or death once you're in on it and then the rush goes away and you're left in your bunk with nothin' but your thoughts. Hasn't been that good of a week then, now has it?

"Captain," Wash's voice came over the intercom and I stood up from my bed and walked over to it, pressin' the small little white button. "Go ahead," I said and waited for him to continue.

"We have a job that's being offered to us, seems okay for the most part, guess you'll have to come down here and see for yourself, bein' the Captain and all," He said sarcastically and I frowned before pressin' the button again.

"Best for you if you watch your mouth," I said dryly and let go of the button before headin' out where I could hear Zoe press the button and I could almost see the smile that was comin' through on her voice as she said, "Oh yes, sir, I'm watching it loud and clear."

So they were happy again and everythin' was goin' good for everyone. Simon and Kaylee finally got somethin' right, even though I don't much like the fella, but he's bein' okay to Kaylee, so I have no problems with that as of yet. Zoe and Wash are doin' okay too. River is still crazy and hangin' around Jayne who can't stand her much. I snicker when I think of that, but hey, she can dish it out just as much now. Changin' so fast I suppose, but I guess it's all for the better.

"What do we got?" I asked as I walked in, lookin' at the screen and seein' some guy lookin' back at me.

"Good evening, Reynolds," he said calmly. "I have a job for you."

Crossin' my arms over my chest, I tilted my head, lookin' at the man through the tv glass. "And what's that? Seems everyone has a job these days."

He went on to tell me there was this man named Bastian and he needed somethin' back. Seemed easy enough and it would be fast. There was a room on his ship, a museum that was holding onto it a famous painting that once belonged to him. It was worth a shiny penny. Well, more like a billion of them I reckon. More than that.

"Right, right and how much is in it for me?" I sidetracked him as I stood there, Zoe right beside me with Wash lookin' on.

"Well, I would think you'd want to do this out of the kindness of your heart --"

Smilin', I was so close to turnin' the whole damn thing off, but I shook my head and pointed my finger at him, "Now, now, if you know my reputation, I never do anythin' out of the kindness of my heart, there's always a catch. Hopefully in your case it will be a big catch. With big money, or you can find yourself another theif to do your dirty work."

"Yes, Captain, I have what you would want. Alot of it in bright shiny gold."

My eyebrows raised and a small smile found my lips. "Shiny? Now you're talkin', sir. What am I to do?"


So this is what we're gonna do. Get tickets, get on the boat, take the painting and it'll be all done with so to speak? Right. Course it would work. Didn't take us long to get the tickets to get on the boat, all of us and I almost was thinkin' that Inara would love somethin' like this. To be on a huge cruise ship, but right then, she done left us all in the dust and no one has really said anythin' about her since she'd be gone. Least not to me. Me on the other hand? Haven't thought about her one bit. Not at all.

Kaylee was excited to be goin' on a big ole boat and I was happy for her. She wasn't as happy as she was about the godawful dress, but hey, she was happy. Not that my mission was to make everyone happy, the mission was this and this only. Gettin' that damn paintin' back so we could make some money. Which we would of course, we always did. Unless they were trickin' us from the beginnin', them bastards.

All of us had our rooms and I got myself lookin' spiffy like before I walked out and looked up and down the hallway, not that anyone would really notice me, but still. Didn't hurt to see who was starin' you up and down, lookin' for a fight.

Walked myself over to the museum so I could see this paintin' and there it was. Behind glass. Now this was goin' to be interestin'.

People were comin' in left and right so they could come and look at this peice of crap (In my opinion of course) and I stood back, watchin' how everyone was googlin' it, sayin' how pretty and shiny it was, when really? Wasn't that great. I could a better job with the hand that I don't be writin' with. Noticed a voice that I've heard before and frowned as I looked over the crowds of people and there she was.


So, she's comin' all this way to see a damn paintin' now? Or was she bein' her usual whorin' self, pleasin' any man that wasn't me. I'd have to go for the latter.
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If I was not so weak, so cold, scared of being broken, growing old [04 Aug 2005|12:35am]

I'd been trained my entire life to read people. Perhaps that wasn't all that was involved in my work, but being a Companion meant providing our clients with a service that went well above sex. It was about being there for another person physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, completely. In order to succeed as a Companion one has to learn to pick up on things, certain signals. I wasn't stupid, far from it in fact and when Nandi told me that Mal.....

I already knew.

Of course I knew, and I know now. Even with the brusque way he just brushed me off. Trying to pretend as if this wasn't something more than what it was. I was leaving, I couldn't afford to stay on Serenity anymore. I loved this ship, I'd never been in a hurry to part from her before, but if I stayed here a minute longer I knew I'd only compromise everything that I had built my entire life on. There were certain guidelines for people who wanted to live the lifestyle I had always lived. I could risk everything for....and he certainly couldn't....It just wasn't right nor was it fair and so I did the only thing I could do. I let him walk out of the shuttle, I let him actually get away with that sorry excuse of a goodbye.

My heart pounded regretfully in my chest as I boarded the transit preparing to take me to where I would meet an old friend of mine. A temporary housing situation but one that would most certainly do. I didn't want to leave, but there was no reason to stay.

Not anymore.

I would be....Collapse )
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[03 Aug 2005|10:05pm]

Today was the day that Inara was finally going to leave, didn't much know what I was goin' to say to her, but I had to think of something. Wash was about to touch down at her choice of leave. Mostly I wanted to tell him to just fly right over it, but I knew that wasn't goin' to happen and why should it? Couldn't very well keep her here if she didn't wanna stay. I wasn't goin' to keep her here, not another minute I decided as we finally touched down, but there was somethin' that I had to say to her. No, wait, there wasn't. Shakin' my head at my stupid self, I finally just headed to her shuttle.

When I walked in, nothin' looked like it was before though. Everythin' was different, the whorish things were gone. She wasn't around though. Frownin', I walked in further, seein' her in her other room, comin' out. She stopped, starin' at me and I just nodded, lookin' her over. Could always appreciate the little things, I reckon'.

"So," I started and gave a lookin' around before lookin' back at her. Dark eyes starin' back at me, wantin' me to say somethin', but there was nothin' to say. Not anymore. She already said her goodbyes to everyone else and now there was only hers and me left. Words. Words could be so simple right now, but they just don't seem to be comin'.

Clearin' my throat, I held onto the dresser to carry my balance as I stood there.

"Well, just wanted to say bye and such, make sure you have everythin' you need before you go. Course, you don't need much, not from me anyway, or anyone of us I suppose," I rambled, trippin' over my words like I was some idiot boy that didn't know how to talk and what not.

"Right. Have a good life and all that nonsense."

Givin' her a nod, I turned around and walked out of her shuttle. Didn't matter.

None of this meant a thing.
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